


Don’t Go Before I Do

by Heiko5151



Category: Rammstein
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 10:12:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 5,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16135115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heiko5151/pseuds/Heiko5151
Summary: Paul gets injured during a Terrorist attack.





	1. Paul

I woke up a few months later and I was well enough to go home. I went home and found my phone on the bed. I found my other stuff. My bones was healed. I was strong enough to go back to being a medic but not a firefighter. So, I was OK with that. They tested me. I sat on my bed.

I found a note on the bed. That told me to look under the bed. I did and found a guitar. I found inside a note that said I am sorry for everything. I should have listened to you all along. I left and completely changed back to Paul. I took the guitar with me. It was Accustic. I went to where I worked. I sat down and started playing. 

The people I worked with started to sit with me. The ones that wasn't on call.  Everyone knew who I was. My story I think Reesh figured it out. I was still playing when Richard, Oliver, Flake, Till, and Schneider walk in. 

Richard looked at me and was in shock. I looked at him and sang I forgive you and still love you. I put down the guitar and Richard walked over to me and hugged and kissed me. 

"Paul, I am so sorry."

"I forgive you."

We quit our jobs and went back to making music. The thing we do best. Things were back to normal. We were finally happy.


	2. Richard

I was walking with Paul when I saw a large explosion and Paul got thrown from the blast. I ran over to him. I called for help as I was running. I could tell he was hurt bad.

He had been walking by a window of a store. He had a large piece of glass sticking out of his chest. He was looking in the window. I should say. He had glass embedded all over him. The one in the chest was the deepest. 

There was a deep one in his neck as well. When he got knocked back he ended up with a head injury. I could tell that needed stitches. I kissed him.

"Please, don't die on me Paul, I love you. More then you will ever know."

"I went to check for others that were hurt. I found two children one seemed to have a broken leg and the other a broken arm. I helped them to where Paul was. I then found more people. I helped them.

Help came and I was told it looked like a terror attack. I finally broke down and cried. I knew it wasn't good.

I was told the glass in the neck missed his arteries. He lost so much blood when they took the glass out of his chest that they had to give him blood. Then he wasn't breathing on his own. He had a thing down his throat to help him breathe. The landing broke his right wrist and ribs. Also it broke his right collar bone. He had to have 20 staples in his head. They lost him twice.

They got all the glass out of him. I was sitting with him and crying. I knew that he might not make it. They checked for brain activity and found non. But, it was too soon to tell.


	3. Schneider

I tried calling Paul. I got no answer. Him and Richard were late for a meeting with us. We were sitting in a bar. Me, Till, Flake, and Oliver all heard our phones go off at once. I was the one who picked up mine and read the news article. It showed a bombing and said it was a terrist attack. It showed a ok Richard helping people and a very injured Paul. I laid the phone down and left the picture of Paul on the phone screen. I then started crying. The rest looked at me. Till picked up my phone and read the story. 

He used my phone to make a phone call. He put the phone on speaker. "Hello, Richard, are you OK?" asked Till. 

"No, I am not. I had just watch my husband and best friend get blown..."

He broke down and cried. He did tell us where he was. We all went to him. 

We walked into the room he said to find Richard on the floor in the corner of the room crying. We saw this was really bad. I sat next to him. He looked at me and said a set of words that no one wanted to hear. 

"There is no brain activity."  
I let him cry on me. I looked at Till and saw that he was crying. I also saw Flake and Oliver was as well. 

I went home and couldn't help but think about Paul. I couldn't sleep at all. I just hope they cought the people who did it.


	4. Richard

It had been two months and they tested Paul again. There still was no brain activity. They made the choice to make me say goodbye. So, I did.

"Paul, I love you and I always will. I am going to miss you. I feel this is my fault."

I kissed him and left. I didn't look back I text the others. I told them that we all had to go separate ways. That Paul wasn't going to make it. That I had enjoyed all these years.

I got several calls from the hospital but, I didn't answer them. I knew what they wanted. I told them to let Till and Schneider handle the arrangements for the funeral. They both tried to call me and I didn't answer them as well.  
I went to my desk and sat down. I found something on my desk. I read the card. Happy anniversary to a great husband. I realized the day I truly lost Paul was our anniversary. I opened the gift it was a chain necklace. It looked like his. I put it on. I was going to miss him. I found a slouchy hat. It was black and I put it on as well.

I walked over to Paul's office. I then found his phone and turned it on. He didn't have it with him that day. I took a picture of myself with it. I then picked up one of Paul's black les Paul guitars and started playing.

I then found another gift he had for me and I opened it. I had found it was a blue camera. It automatically developed pictures.  
I took the guitar some clothes and the camera. Also Paul's phone and left. I dropped his phone off with Oliver. Then I left for America to work with Emigrate.


	5. Till

I was in the room with Schneider when they were going to unhook Paul from everything. We heard a tech yell don't. The doctor and the tech exchanged words and it was interesting. We were told to follow them and they tested us. So, they could test the machine. It showed we were brain dead. 

Now we understand what the tech was saying. They brought in a new machine and tested Paul. He was showing brain activity. He was still there. Me and Schneider hugged each other and kissed each other in our excitement.

"Not a word of that Schneider."

"I agree. I am embarrassed."

We turned around to see Flake. "What did I miss?"

"He has a chance. His brain has activity."

I then tried to call Richard and so did Schneider. We got no answer. The answer we got was Oliver giving us Paul's phone and telling us Richard no longer wants to talk to us. That he left to work with Emigrate and isn't coming back. He told us to sell the house. 

This is bad. How are we going to tell Paul that Richard left him? If he makes it that is.


	6. Richard

I would wake up each morning lonely. I missed Paul. But, I knew he was gone or so I thought. 

I sat and played his guitar and I couldn't help but think this was my fault. I lost my best friend. I just didn't want to go on. I lost interest in music. I started to drink and do pills. I didn't care anymore. Then that turned into a drug habit.

I was on a dangerous course and I didn't care. I deserved this. I then got more calls from band members of Rammstein and Emagrate. I spoke to no one.

I had nothing to say. I didn't want to speak to anyone. I just wanted to die in peace.


	7. Paul

I woke up to find someone next to me. I couldn't tell who it was at first. I heard a song on the radio it was Don't Die Before I Do by Rammstein. 

"Reesh, is that you?"

"No, I am Schneider. I hate to tell you almost a year ago you was blown up. Sort of there was a faulty machine and it said that your brain was dead. It wasn't. A tech saved you last minute.  
Richard left and wants nothing to do with any of us. He thinks your dead. He refuses to talk to anyone."

He got the doctor and I was released. I could walk and was ok. I went home and I had my hair changed to the color blue. I looked at the picture of Richard on my phone and saw sadness and I noticed one of my guitars was gone.

I left for America. I didn't like this. I tried to call Richard and got no answer. I got to where he stayed and got the door open. I picked the lock. I walked into the room and noticed Richard on the floor. I ran over to him. I shook him no response. I noticed the pill bottles. I called for help.

I hoped I wasn't to late. I laid my head on his chest and heard a heart beat. A very weak one but still there. Breathing was weak but still there. 

"Reesh, please stay. I know you thought I was dead but, I am here."

His eyes opened for a moment and were unfocused. I think he heard me. I hope so. I found my guitar and grabbed it. Help came and I went.

I sat and played and I was allowed to stay as they detox him. They lost him once. I sat in the room and was so mad at him. I was sad. I got a call from Till.

I found a bunch of pictures in my guitar case and the camera I got him. "Till, how are you?"

"Good, but, you sound upset."

"I am."

I told him why. I can't believe he did this. "I wonder Paul without you he is lost."

"I get that."

"I wonder I will meet you there in a day"

"OK"

I knew what he was up to. I had a idea. I asked the doctor if he would be released to us and he was going to after he was off the pills for a week.

He didn't take more then pills. I just made it to him in time. "Reesh, I am not happy with you at the moment. I almost lost you. If you have another lover I am sorry. I will go out of the picture scince I am supposed to be dead."

I took a picture of me in the room. I took one of me and Richard. I kissed him. I felt bad.

Till showed up and I went back to Germany. I took my guitar with me. I knew it would be his choice when he woke up. I left the pictures with Till to give to Richard. I did clean his place and threw away everything that was bad. Lest I could have done.


	8. Richard

I woke up to find Till looking at me. "Till, I had the weirdest thing happen to me. I thought I saw someone who had blue hair. Whoever did this saved me. They broke into my house and I don't know why they saved me. When they could have killed me."

"What do you want to do with person?"

"Have them arrested for breaking and entering."

"Good luck they went back to Germany."

He got mad and threw two pictures at me. I looked at them. "Is this who saved me?"

"Yes, you hurt him. You hurt him really bad."

"I don't know him."

"How could you not know who that is. Wait, the blue hair. He never dyed his hair blue."

Till called someone and put it on speaker. "Hi, we have a problem he wants you arrested and he says he doesn't know you."

"I guess I will come and take my punishment. I also took his camera and the guitar."

"What yes I want him arrested."

"whose guitar did you take?"

“Paul's."

"But, that is your."

"I know Till. I am not supposed to be here. I came back I couldn't go back to Germany."

He walked in the room. He stepped near the bed. "Who are you?" 

"Reesh, you know me."

"No, I don't."

"I hope one day you remember. But, remember as my heart is breaking I still love you. I always will. I will always miss you."

He gave Till his phone and had used Till's to call the cops. He was told to bypass court everything. They did it all by phone that he serve two years prison and he agreed. 

He left to begin that. Till was so mad. The guitar was outside the door. The guy brought it back in before he left. Till handed me the guy with the prison sentence phone to me. 

I looked at it and I saw a picture of me and Paul. but, then I looked more through it. I realized it was Paul's phone.

"Why, did he have Paul's phone." 

"We tried to call you. A tech realized at the last second there was something wrong with the machine that they were testing his brain with. They tested us and that thing said that me and Schneider were brain dead." 

A nurse came in and released me and I was released into Till's care. I grabbed the guitar and we went back to my house. Once inside I opened the guitar and I found everything was there. but, I found something else. 

I found a note that said Reesh, I am sorry for everything. I love you. I know you might want to move on and that is ok. I am ready to except whatever may happen. I will miss you. I will forever love you.  
Paul

I found another gift. It was a bracelet. I realized it was our anniversary. I looked at Till.

"They then got a new test and they retested him. He had alot of brain activity."

"Till, what did I just do?" 

"You locked up a guy for saving you and for stealing his own guitar."

"I see."

"You see why I am mad at you?”

"Yes, I do. Help me fix it."

"I will not to help you. but, for Paul I will."

"Yes, I see."

"Would you come back to Rammstein?"

"Yes, you don't mind."

"You do need to make better choices."

"I know."


	9. Paul

I couldn't believe I was in prison. I didn't start fights or anything but, I was beat on for being German and Russian. I had a feeling me and Richard's marriage was over.  
What did I do that caused this. I cried alot. Weeks turned into mouths. I got a beating and I remember little about this attack. I ended in the hospital.

When I woke up I saw Till and another talking. "Till, what happened?"

"You was hit with a hard object and Richard got you freed. He went back to Germany."

I was released and Till had been glad to go home. I am sad because I know I have to find another place to live. I was given my stuff back and Till had given my phone back. 

I walked in my house and sat down at my desk. I knew that I should start packing. I found a note.   
Heiko,   
I am so sorry for what I had done. I never should have done what I did to you. I know I hurt you really bad. I just want you to know I can't stop seeing that day you got hurt and I can't stop having nightmares about it. I do care.  
Richard. 

I didn't know what to think. First thing was when did Reesh start calling me Heiko. Am I missing something. I went for a walk. I took my camera and the note with me. 

I walked to the place I almost got blown up. I realized it was a bad thing to happen. Reesh this is the day we lost each other. I started to cry. I remember standing in front of a window. Then I looked at my phone and found pictures from that day. I realized I was really injured. I see why Reesh had nightmares. I can't stop crying and I sat on the ground. I snapped selfie of me crying. 

I sat with my head in my hands and I look like a ball. I then felt someone rap their arms around me. "Paul, I saw you leave. It is ok."

"Schneider, I just want Richard back and things back to normal."

"I know."

"I was standing here the day we lost each other."

"I know Paul." 

I ended up crying myself asleep on Schneider. I was a mess. I hated the way my life was.


	10. Richard

I heard someone pounding on the door. I opened it to find Schneider carrying Paul. "Schneider, is Heiko hurt?"

"Who?"

"I am sorry. I ment is Paul hurt?"

"No, he cried himself to sleep."

Schneider put him in bed and showed me Paul's camera. I saw the selfie. "He said this was were he was the day you lost each other."

"Heiko, is right. I mean Paul is right."

"What is with you calling him Heiko."

"You know I am not sure."

"He loves you and just wants you back."

"Really."

Schneider left and I went to the store and got Paul a few things. I hoped he would like it. I walked into the bedroom and walked over to Paul. I noticed something wasn't right. I then tried to shake him. He didn't respond. I put my head on his chest and he was still breathing.

I called for help. I hoped he would be ok. When help came I went with them. I wish I would have been nicer to him.

 I found his appendix burst. They hope they caught it. Then they found something wrong with his gull bladder and had to remove that too. He was really sick.

A doctor told me I could see him. I walked into the room. I was mad at myself. I sat next to him and I picked up his hand. I held his in both of mine. 

"Heiko, I am so sorry. Please hang on. I love you and life without you hurts."

I kissed him. I know he had no idea what was going on. I still didn't know how I felt about the blue hair.

I got a phone call that I didn't want to hear. Paul's test all came back. He had cancer. They hoped they caught it. I told them to treat him for it. It turned out his gull bladder had cancer. I leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. I was crying. I heard my door open. I didn't look up. 

"Richard, as you know I am to check on you."

"Till, not now. I have enough to deal with."

"What is wrong?"

"Paul."

I told him and he looked sad. There was another knock at the door. Till answered it. This time it was Schneider.

"Why, is everyone so sad?"   
       
I told him. They went with me to see Paul. They were sad. When they left I stayed for a while. Someone had a radio on. I heard the song Don't Die Before I Do. 

Strange when Paul didn't know I was listening to his guitar playing lately. He had been playing this song. I had wondered why.   
         
I picked up his hand in both mine and cried. "Heiko, I feel this is all my fault. If you don't like me I understand. I wouldn't like me either. I do care."


	11. Paul

I woke up to hear the song Don't Die Before I Do again. I heard everything Reesh had to say evertime he spoke to me. I then noticed he had my hand in both of his his. I closed my eyes.

"I just hope one day you forgive me. I miss you Heiko."

I heard what happened to me and that I had Cancer. Reech told them to try to save me. I felt Reesh kiss me. I opened my eyes. I saw he was about to walk out of the room. 

"Richard."

A doctor entered and he didn't hear me. "Richard!"

The doctor and Richard walked over to me and I was released. But, I had to have a treatment first. Richard waited in silence. 

I went home and went to bed. I was out for a week. Richard was still in silence. I wondered to myself how this was going to end. I didn't know that by night Richard was sleeping on the floor by the bed. By day he was watching me. Something was different but, I couldn't place it.   
I woke up to find Richard sitting on the floor. His head was down.

"Reesh, how long have you been there?" 

"Heiko, how do you feel?" 

He didn't answer the question. I saw he didn't care about himself. He had not been sleeping. I could tell.

"Reesh, I am going to ask you again how long have you been there?" 

"It doesn't matter."

I got mad. I got up and looked at him. "REESH, I AM OK YOU NEED SLEEP."

"Heiko, calm down."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? MY NAME IS PAUL."

"I am not sure."

"ALSO YOUR THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK. REESH GO TO HELL."

That hit the mark. I left the room and I could hear him crying. I went to my office. I opened the desk and found a gift from Richard. I opened it. There was a camera and a bracelet. I felt bad. I put the bracelet on. 

I then went to apologize to Richard. I didn't make it back to the room because I passed out. I heard something fall over.


	12. Richard

I heard a loud crash and I ran to the noise. I found Paul on the floor. I picked him up and set him on the bed. I called the doctor and told the doctor what happened. He was going to be ok he worked himself up and it was too much for him in his state.

I noticed the bracelet. I laid next to him. I fell asleep. I didn't mean too.

I had a very interesting dream. It was about the day Paul got hurt. But, I was at his funeral and hearing everyone say nice things about him. I was sad.

I kept saying I never got to say goodbye that he died instantly. I woke up yelling. I felt someone grab my hand.

I realized I was in bed. I must have fallen asleep here. I went to get up but, found who ever had my hand would not let go.

"Reesh, I am sorry. I didn't mean anything I  said. I didn't mean to be mean to you. I love you very much."

"Heiko Paul Hiersche. I am sorry."

"How did you find that?”

"I am not sure."

I just looked at him. I saw sadness alot of it. He still wouldn't let me go. His usual strong grip was very weak. I felt so bad for him. 

"Now will you answer me? How long have you been sitting on the floor next to the bed?" 

"Every night I have been watching you every night. I am afraid of losing you. I have not been sleeping. I have nightmares. I am at your funeral. The doctor said you can't get yourself that worked up. You over did it and passed out."

"Reesh, I am so sorry I didn't realize it was this hard for you. I did realize about getting worked up. Please forgive me."

"Please forgive me. forgive me for what I did to you."

His answer was he kissed me. There was love there. I didn't like seeing him this sick. 

"I forgive you."

"I forgive you too. The day Schneider brought you home and you would not wake up I was so afraid. When they told me what what was wrong I was more afraid of losing you."

"I know Reesh. I guess you can be the only one to call me Heiko. Now I would like to thank you for the bracelet and camera."

"You welcome."

He fell asleep. He never let go of my hand. I don't know if he was afraid or if he was telling me to stay where I was. I soon fell asleep as well.


	13. Paul

I didn't let go of Richard because I was afraid of what he might do to himself. I wanted him to stay where he was. I know I fell asleep. I was hoping he would go to bed.

A year later I was cancer free. I was happy I could live without that. I then went to find Richard to tell him after my last treatment but he wasn't home. I went to bed. I was told it would be awhile before I was back to normal.

I woke up to a bang. I then saw a guy enter the room I was in and I played dead. I had my eyes open and I held my breath. I hoped it would work. 

"This is the other one that lived through the blast. This is that cancer patient. Look I think he is dead."

They check and I was hoping they would leave. This holding my breath was starting to hurt. My record was two minutes. I did breathe a little when they were not looking.

"Yes, he is dead. Let's get out of here."

They left and I gasped for air. That hurt really bad. So, I got up and walked to find Richard on the floor and he was shot. That was the bang I heard. I called for help. I then discribed the people down to a tee.

I tried to stop the bleeding. Richard's eyes opened for a moment. He was hurt bad. Help came and I went with them.

He lost too much blood and had to be given blood. He was shot in the chest it missed vital organs he was lucky. It missed a artery. I was sitting in the room with him. The police showed up in the room and showed me a picture of the guys. I said it was them. 

"I hate to say but your under arrest."

"what?" 

"You heard me."

I got up and kissed Richard. I knew this wasn't good. I didn't have much energy. I went with the man. He took me clear to Russia. He put a block on everything I owned so that I could not contact anyone in Germany. 

"What did I do to deserve this?" 

"Your in danger. You saw them."

"What about Reesh?" 

"We got this. Your not allowed back in Germany. Now your stuck here forever." 

He left and I sat down and cried. I was homeless I missed Reesh. I missed Till, Oliver, Schneider, and Flake. I wasn't happy about this. I spent the night on a bench.


	14. Richard

I woke up to find a cop sitting next to me. "Did you see the people who did this?"

"No."

"Your lucky."

"Heiko, I am sorry I just wondered there was another in the house with me. His name was Paul. What happened to him."

"He died."

"How?"

"Looked like health problems."

"He had cancer."

The guy left and I cried. I felt so alone. I do remember opening my eyes and seeing Heiko. He had to be the one that saved me. A nurse came in and a doctor released me.  
I was out for two weeks. I went to thank Paul's doctor. 

"Hi, Richard why do you look so sad."

"Paul, died from the cancer as you know. I wanted to thank you for treating him."

I saw he looked confused look. He gave me a one minute gesture. He got some papers and read them.

"This might be a dumb question but, was you with him when he died?"

"No, we had a home Invasion and I was shot and just woke up. This was the day of his last treatment. Why?"

"He didn't tell you? He is Cancer free. So, that isn't how he died."

I was sad and happy at the same time. He didn't suffer. So, whoever must have killed him. But, who found us? I thanked the doctor and went to the police station and told them about the cop. They had no cop like that on their force.

I got scared when I was told that he was a person who was a terrorist. Heiko must have seen them. Nice great now he is gone.  
I went home and laid down and cried. I called Till and he came over. I told him everything. He stayed with me.


	15. Heiko

I choose no matter how much I hated my first name to go by it for safety. I saw a sign looking for a guitar player. I tried out and got the job. I missed Rammstein. This band was called Red viking. I still was rhythm.

Two years later we ended up opening for Emigrate in a concert. I noticed Till, Schneider, Flake, and Oliver as well. I knew not to speak to them. My hair grew back and was green. I had a new look. I went to go on stage and tripped into Richard.

"I am so sorry. That was a good show."

I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine. "Thank you."

"Could you do me a favor we want to do a tribute to a friend of ours that died could you please play rhythm?"

"Sure."

A few minutes later I am wearing my old clothes. I never saw this coming. I don't think Reesh knows who I am and I can't help but laugh. But, I am loving this.   
We do a song where I sing and I see Till look at me. As I play he walks closer and he sets down the mic. I stop playing a minute. 

"Paul?" 

I nodded and he hugged me. When he stopped I gave him a don't tell anyone gesture. We Finnished the show. Then Emigrate went on. 

Till came over to me when Emigrate was done to tell me the good news. That I could go home. He was able to talk to someone and tell them everything and have a cop confirm it. 

Richard walked over to me. "You did a good job. I didn't get your name."

"Heiko, is my name."

"Nice to meet you. I used to call my husband that but, he died."

Flake, Oliver, and Schneider also figured out who I was when I was singing and playing. "So, have you moved on?" 

"No, I haven't." 

I went home and Till snuck me a key. I went in my house. I looked around. I found Richard in his office. 

"Reech, How are you?"

"Heiko, how did you get in?"

"Till."

I saw he was looking at a picture of me and him. "Why, are you here."

"I was forced into Russia by terrorists. I thought a terrorist was a cop. Reesh, I am not who you think I am."

I walked over to Richard and kissed him. "No, this can't be."

"Reesh, I am not dead. I found you and the bad people found me. I was sitting in the room at the hospital with you when they found me."

"Paul, I missed you."

He hugged me and didn't want to let go. "I am cancer free." 

"I know."

"They ruined my good news."

So, we went back to playing. Things went back to normal. The terrorists were cought. We were finally happy.


End file.
